Today's jokes [12.4.08]
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Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent
his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason
for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should
ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves
at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told
that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the
family's Christmas tree. He is allowed entry to Heaven.
The second man offers a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were
opened earlier that evening. He too is allowed entry to Heaven.
The third man reaches into his pocket and produces a pair of panties.
Confused at the man's gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do panties represent
The man replies, "Oh, they're Carol's."
A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A
large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.
She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.
Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,
"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one with
the brown nose."
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Why are politicians like diapers?
Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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