Today's jokes [12.29.08]

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Q: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
A: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton, and the Titanic ??

It is known how many went down on the Titanic.

Q. Why wasn't jesus born in the U.S.A ?
A. Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then 
when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and 
have his shoes.

Hiram answers the telephone, and it's an emergency room 
doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and 
I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost 
all use of both arms and both legs, and will be on a respirator 
the rest of her life."

Hiram says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

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