Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [12.22.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year
old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San
Francisco to Washington. 

"For gods sake!" he screamed, "Someone could have attacked you
and raped you!" 

"I wasn't ever in no danger at all", she said, trying to calm him
down. "As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to
Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for
sexually transmitted diseases." 

1. 




A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.
It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says..... 

     "Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?" 

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back
at the little girl and winks.... 

     "When your mommy goes to the mall!" 

2. 




Santa comes once a year - but when he does he fills your stocking!


3. 




God and the Computer

In the beginning there was the computer.  And God typed:
     
        %>Let there be light!
        #Please login.
        %>login God
        #Password?.
        %>Omniscient
        #Password incorrect. Try again.
        %>Omnipotent
        #Password incorrect. Try again.
        %>Technocrat
        #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
     
        %>Let there be light!
        #Unrecognizable command. Try again.
        %>Create light
        #Done
        %>Run heaven_and_earth
        #And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
        #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
     
        #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
        %>Let there be firmament in the midst of waters dividing the waters
             which are under and above the firmament
        #Unrecognizable command. Try again.
        %>Create firmament
        #Done.
        %>Run firmament
        #And God created the heaven. And God saw there were 0 errors.
        #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
     
        #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
        %>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
             and let the dry land appear and
        #Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
        %>Create dry_land
        #Done.
        %>Run dry_land
        #And God created the Earth & Seas. God saw there were 0 errors.
        #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
                  
        #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
        %>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
        #Unspecified type. Try again.
        %>Create sun_moon_stars
        #Done
        %>Run sun_moon_stars
        #And God created the sun moon and stars. And God saw there were 0
             errors.
        #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
              
        #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
        %>Create fish
        #Done
        %>Create fowl
        #Done
        %>Run fish, fowl
        #And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature
             that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and
             every winged fowl after its kind.
        #And God saw there were 0 errors.
        #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
                  
        #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
        %>Create cattle
        #Done
        %>Create creepy_things
        #Done
        %>Now let us make man in our image
        #Unspecified type. Try again.
        %>Create man
        #Done
        %>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it
             and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl
             of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the
             earth
        #Too many command operands. Try again.
        %>Run multiplication
        #Execution terminated. 6 errors.
        %>Insert breath
        #Done
        %>Run multiplication
        #Execution terminated. 5 errors.
        %>Move man to Garden of Eden
        #File Garden of Eden does not exist.
        %>Create Garden.edn
        #Done
        %>Move man to Garden.edn
        #Done
        %>Run multiplication
        #Execution terminated. 4 errors.
        %>Copy woman from man
        #Done
        %>Run multiplication
        #Execution terminated. 2 errors.
        %>Create desire
        #Done
        %>Run multiplication
        #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in  
             Garden.edn
        #Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
        %>Create freewill
        #Done
        %>Run freewill
        #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in 
             Garden.edn
        #Warning: No time limit on this run of multiplication. 1 errors.
        %>Undo desire
        #Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
        %>Destroy freewill
        #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
        #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
        %>Help
        #Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
        #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
        #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
        %>Create tree_of_knowledge
        #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in 
             Garden.edn
        #Warning: No time limit on this run of multiplication. 1 errors.
        %>Create good, evil
        #Done
        %>Activate evil
        #And God saw he had created shame.
        #Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in
            Garden.edn.  1 errors.
        %>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
        #Search failed.
        %>Delete shame
        #Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
        %>Destroy freewill
        #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
        #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
        %>Stop
        #Unrecognizable command. Try again
        %>Break
        %>Break
        %>Break
        #ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN 
             FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. 
             PLEASE LOG OFF.
        %>Create new world
        #You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
             files before new ones can be created.
        %>Destroy earth
        #Destroy earth: Are you sure you want to destroy earth? (Y or N)
        %>Y
        #COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY,
        #MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
        #And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
 
        #MARCH 8 AT 6:01 AM
        #Please login.
        %>login God
        #ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER MALFUNCTION
        #USER FILE CORRUPTED * PLEASE SIGN IN AS NEW AGAIN
        #SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE
        %>NEW
        #PLEASE ENTER A USER NAME TO BE USED ON THIS SYSTEM
        %>God
        #NAME ALREADY TAKEN * PLEASE CHOOSE ANOTHER NAME
        %>who is God
        #God = B.GATES * NO FURTHER INFORMATION AVAILABLE
 
        #And NEW logged off



4. 




Why is "red" the colour of the University of Georgia?

Because they can't spell "crimson" or "scarlet". 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD





By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 December '08 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
   1  2  3  4  5  6  
7  8  9  10 11 12 13 
14 15 16 17 18 19 20 
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 
28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.