Today's jokes [12.21.08]

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During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by 
the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a 
hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go 
down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at 
least they would die laughing. 

The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would 
you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick 
against the table?"

The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out 
and whammed it on the table. Just when the dick hit the table, 
a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were 
the captain and the navigator. 

As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, 
"Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?" The 
navigator told him.

The captain replied, "Well, you better be careful with that dick 
of yours. The torpedo missed!"

A certain young lady named Rowell 
Had a musical bent to her bowel. 
With a good plate of beans 
Tucked under her jeans 
She could play To a Wild Rose by MacDowell. 

A girl goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, I'm freakin' out...I'm freakin' 
out...my pee's coming out in four streams."
He says, "Get up on the table and I'll see what I can do."
She gets up on the table, and as he's examining her, he starts to giggle.
She says, "It's not funny. My pee's coming out in four streams."
He says, "It won't anymore. I took the trouser button out of there." 

Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache.

"I've got a beaut cure for a headache," said his mate Trev. "Whenever I 
have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet 
blowjob. Never fails."

A week went by and they were in the bar again, talking. "Did you try my 
headache cure," asked Trev. "Yeah said Phil, worked great! Your house is 
nice, too!"

The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was
aproached by his assistant.
"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian.
"Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old
blond came in last night. Dead of course"
"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.
"I'm not sure",replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn
stuck up her cunt!"
"Are you sure?", said the Mortitian.
"Yes, come and have a look for yourself" ,said the assistant
opening the body bag.
The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.
"That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That's
her clitoris"
"Are you sure?", said the assisitant,
"'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn". 

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