Today's jokes [12.2.08]
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A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. "What's
your name?" she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers "My
name's Huey and I'm having a great day going in and out of puddles." She
goes up to the second dog and asks "What's your name?" The dog replies "My
name's Duey and I'm having a great day going in and out of puddles." She
turns to the third dog and says "I suppose you're going to tell me your
names Luey and you're having a great day going in and out of puddles." The
dog replies "No, I'm having a fucking miserable day and my name is
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear
and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36
year old man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it
does not leak - it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
It will however make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this
"You are not getting older,
You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not
getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary
school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better
serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his
practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones,
Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential
employee's application and notices that the man has never
worked in retail before.
He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you are
certainly asking for a high wage."
"Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harder
when you don't know what you'redoing!"
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