Today's jokes [12.14.08]

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why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?

he only had 2 cars.

   A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.
   When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
   The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool
   down there."
   The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?"
   

An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his 
neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he
looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. "I'm scared
out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husband
wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop fucking his
wife." "So stop," the barkeep said. "I can't," the womanizer
replied, taking a long swill. "The prick didn't sign his name!"

There was a drunk man walking down the street turning
his car keys back and forth. 
A policeman came up to him and asked, "Sir, what are you doing?" 
The drunk replied, "I am looking for my car, the last time I saw
it, it was on the end of these keys." 
The police officer said, "Sir, do you know your zipper is down?" 
The drunk replied, "Shit, I lost my wife, too!" 

"Do you have any batteries?" a woman asks the hardware store clerk.
   "Yes, m'am." The clerk gestures with his finger. "Can you come this
   way?"
   "If I could come that way," the woman says, "I wouldn't need the
   batteries."

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