Today's poems [11.1.08]
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The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
(Sing to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Here's a little story of a man named John
a poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone).
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife.
She lopped of his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis that is)
Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
and Lorena's in the car takin Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
so she tossed him out the window as she rounded out a bend.
(Curve that is)
(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
and they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air.
(Found that is)
(By a fence, evidence)
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long,
So a dick-doc said "Hey! I can fix your dong."
"A needle and a thread's just the thing you're gonna need."
Then the world held it's breath 'till they heard that Johnny peed.
(Wizzed that is)
(Stitched seam, straight stream)
Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court,
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape!
(Video that is)
(Unexposed, case closed)
An efficient young fellow named Dave
Said, "Think of the time that I save
By avoiding vacations,
And sexy relations,
And taking a crap while I shave."
There was a young lady from Waste
Who fled from a man in some haste.
She tripped as she ran,
And fell flat on her pan---
She sometimes still dreams that she's chaste.
There was a young person of Kent
Who was famous wherever he went.
All the way through a fuck
He would quack like a duck,
And he crowed like a cock when he spent.
A big bollocksed dancer, Durango,
Had trouble while dancing Fandango,
The blood from his twirls
Overfilled the guys pearls
Which swelled to the size of a mango.
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