Today's jokes [11.30.08]
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A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about
10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly.
The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.
"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and
put a gun to my head".
"Jesus Christ! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"
Why did god invent alcohol?
- So fat women can get laid too.
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of
the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as
far away from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet.
After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner one
day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big,
bearded man standing there. "Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles
over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after 6 months of this I'm ready to meet some local
folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some
drinking." "Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I
can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some
fightin' too." Damn, Sam thinks... Tough crowd. "Well, I get along with
people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these
parties, too." "Now that's not a problem," says Sam, "Remember I've been
alone for 6 months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be
the two of us."
"I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed to his friend. "She broke
down and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to
screw just twice a year???"
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", the pal asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
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