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Today's jokes [11.28.08]

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One morning a little girl ran inside and said "Daddy, Daddy my sister and 
the man you hired last week are up on the hay loft in the barn on all that 
new hay we just bought. She has her dress up and he has his pants down. I 
think they are about to piss all over that new hay!"

1. 




A blond walks into a bar.

     Ouch!

2. 




The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were
down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could
get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a
hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first
man, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say
regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this
room and kill your wife". A look of shock comes over the man's
face. He says, "I can't kill my wife. I just can't do it. I
guess I'm not the man for this job". "No, you're not", agree
the agents, "You're free to go". 

They bring the second man to the door and say, "We need to know
that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances.
Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". The man
takes the gun and goes into the room. The room is silent and
after five minutes the man opens the door, tears streaming down
his face. "I tried," he says, "but I just couldn't do it. I can't
kill my wife". The agents let him leave. 

They bring the woman to the door and say, "We need to know that
you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take
this gun, go into this room and kill your husband". She takes the
gun and before the door closes behind her, she shoots off all 13
rounds emptying the gun. The door closes behind her and for the
next five minutes the agents hear loud banging and grunting. The
door finally opens, revealing the sweat-drenched woman. She looks
at both agents, wipes her brow and says, "Whew! You guys didn't
tell me that the gun was filled with blanks - I had to beat him to
death with the chair!" 

3. 




Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus?

Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea.
"I call my man 'Eight,' " said the first woman, "Because he's got
 eight inches, and we do it eight times a day."
The second woman said in response, "I call my man 'Ten'because his dong
is ten inches long, and we do it ten times every night."
The first woman then asked the third woman "What do you call your man?"
She answered " 'Creme de Menthe.' "
"Why?  Isn't' that a liqueur?" the other two wanted to know.
"Yep, it is," said the woman, continuing, "yeah, you betcha!"



4. 




Two cab drivers met.
"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red 
and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see 
how all the witnesses contradict each other."

5. 



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