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Today's jokes [11.25.08]

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   I read last week how there are more than one million battered women in
   the United States
   each year. All these years I've been eating them raw.


Q. What did Adam say to Eve ?
A. You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.


An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, "I 
don't know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market 
crashed, and I'm afraid we're broke."

The wife says, "No, we're not. Let's go for a drive into town."

Husband replies, "Our savings are all gone and you want is to 
go for a drive? Oh well, whatever. I guess you're crazier than 
me." So off they go into town.

When they get there the wife points and says, "See that office 
building? We own that."

Husband thinks his wife is nuts so he mumbles something 
unintelligible and drives to the next area of the city, which just 
happens to be the richest part of town.

Wife says again pointing, "See those five houses? We own 

Husband is now sure his wife is certifiably crazy so he says, 
"What makes you think we own all this property?"

Wife replies, "Remember when we first got married and for 
jokes you would give me $5.00 every time we had sex? Well, I 
kept the money and invested it and 20 years later this is what 
has become of it all. Not bad, eh?"

Husband says, "Dammit woman, if I'd known you were this 
good with money I'd have probably given you all my business."


What is the difference between a hockey game
                           and a High School reunion? 

At a hockey game you see fast pucks. 


What has four asses?

Eight half assed politicians.


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