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Today's jokes [11.24.08]

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Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been 
for you?" Ed asked.
"Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife 
turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our 
savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run 
over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car 
rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down 
recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it 
all my business has just gone bust."
"Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business were you in?"
"I sell lucky charms," said Ted.


Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose? 

They couldn't close his casket. 


When shouldn't a mountain climber call for help?

When he's hanging by his teeth.


What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes ?

    Nothing, you told her twice.


A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after
arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone
rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a
colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, three doctors are there already!"


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