Today's jokes [11.23.08]

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Q: Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments 
at the same time?

A: She managed to squeeze them both in.

why do women have legs?

have you ever seen the mess that slugs leave behind!??

A woman participating in a survey was asked
how she felt about condoms. 

She said, "Depends on what's in it for me." 

    Are computers males or females? You decide.
   TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE:
   5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
   4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've
   established a network connection.
   3. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more
   than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.
   2. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded
   in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested
   so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an
   under powered system.
   1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you
   have their attention.
   FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE:
   5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
   4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for
   future reference.
   3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is
   incomprehensible to everyone else.
   2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as
   "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to
   tell you."
   1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
   half your paycheck on accessories for it.\

What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?

An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill you."
A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself."

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