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Today's jokes [11.18.08]

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A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor
 puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...'
 The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'


The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "ILU" 
written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises 
her hand. Well sweetie, what does "ILU" mean? The little girl replies, "I 
love you."
The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet," and continues with class. The next 
day the teacher finds a banana on her desk with the letters "YAS" written 
on it. The teacher asks who left and what does it mean. A little white boy 
raises his hand and says, "It means, You are special." "Thank you 
sweetheart", the teacher says.
The following day, the teacher walks in to find a watermelon with the 
letters "FUCK" written on it. The enraged teacher asks who left it and if 
they know what that means. A little black girl raises her hand and 
cheerfully says, "Yes maam, I left it. It means, from us colored kids!". 


An American was waiting on a London street corner. An
attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of
wind blew her dress above her waist. 
"A bit airy, isn't it?" remarked the American. 
Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly,
"'Ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!" 


On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local
brothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait."
"But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now."
"Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs."
"Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."
So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of
the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate
the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. But
it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and
fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over,
staggers to the door, and knocks.

"Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!"

"I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell
you that your sign fell down." 


   A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the
   house. He got the outside.


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