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Today's jokes [11.16.08]

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What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?


                                         One of them is organized.

1. 




A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a
costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out
a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."

She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your
shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

2. 




   While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it.
   Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly
   unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then
   quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you ?"
   
   "Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask
   that ?"
   
   "Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh,
   "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actully moved."


3. 




One day, a Smartie and a Polo were having a drink in the pub.

Suddenly the pub door swings open and in walks a Humbug.

“Fuck me” shouts Polo, and immediately dives under the table.

“What the fuck are you doing that for?” says Smartie.

“That humbug always gives me a right good kicking whenever I see

him, so I’m hiding from him” says Polo.

“You should stand up to him” says Smartie. “He’ll respect you more

if you do”

Sure enough, the humbug walks over and gives the Polo a right slap.

“Fuck off you stripy wanker, or I’ll knock the fucking shit out of

you” says Polo.

“Hey, no problem man, can I buy you a drink” says Humbug.

“Told you so” says Smartie.

The next night Polo and Smartie are sitting in the pub again, when in

walks Humbug with his mate, Tune.

“Fuck me” shouts Polo again diving under the table.

“What the fuck are you doing that for again” says Smartie.

“I know you said stand up to bullies, but thats Tune” says Polo.

“So what?” says Smartie.

“He’s fucking menthol” says Polo.

sent by Steve Butler




4. 




What's 3 feet tall and gives me head?
My son.

5. 



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