Today's jokes [11.13.08]
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A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the
other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am,
I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree
and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; and then it was too late.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year
married man looks happy - we wonder why.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the
man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks
and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice it."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe. - Jackie Mason
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything
about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build
your own toaster.
Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this
party they were at
the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got
home and blew chunks.
2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was
pulled over and given
a DUI! 3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I
picked up a
prostitute and my wife caught us in bed! 1st guy: No, no.. you guys
Chunks is my dog.
A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver
eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of
the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.
The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start
exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. This results in one
of the worst pile-ups in history.
When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the
side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just
using my emergency flashers!"
Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
Because the little propellers cost extra!
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