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Today's jokes [11.12.08]

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What's another term for cunnilingus? 

Genital Slurpees. 

1. 




MICHAEL KENNEDY

   What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
   John Denver made it alive out of Aspen.
   Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?
   Not yet, but he's done one about the tree: "I'm Still Standing"
   How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy?
   Check the family tree.
   A simple accident? Some witnesses insist there was a second tree at
   the
   snow-covered knoll...
   What do Michael and JFK Jr's magazine "George" have in common?
   Wood pulp.
   New bumper sticker...."Plant A Tree....Kill A Kennedy...."
   What will it take to reunite the four Kennedy brothers?
   A1: One more bullet.
   A2: A season lift pass.


2. 




   A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the
   checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "Your husband is
   suffering from severe, long-term stress and it's affecting his
   cardiovascular system. He's a good candidate for either a heart attack
   or a stroke. If you don't do the following four things, your husband
   will surely die".
   
   "First, each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to
   work in a good mood."
   
   "Second, at lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him
   in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work."
   
   "Third, for dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him
   with household chores."
   
   "Fourth, and most important for invigorating him and relieving stress,
   have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim in
   bed."
   
   On the way home in the car, the husband turned to his wife and asked,
   "So, I saw the doctor talking to you and he sure seemed serious. What
   did he tell you?"
   
   "You're going to die," she replied.
   


3. 




What did the normal baby say to the test tube baby?

Ha..ha... your dad's a jerk off!

4. 




Biology Class

   In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
   levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and
   asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as
   in sugar
   in male semen?"
   "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical
   info.
   Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
   sweet?"
   After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
   girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she
   had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books
   without a word and walked out of class.... and never returned.
   However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was
   classic....
   Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste
   sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
   tongue and not the back of your throat."


5. 



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