Today's jokes [11.10.08]

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A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla
sitting on a barstool.

The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was
doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He
took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head
with it. The animal instantly dropped down and
gave the bartender blow job.

The Bartender then asked the man if he would like
to try it.

The man said "Sure, but please don't hit me quite
so hard". 

Two men are having an awfully slow round of
golf because the two ladies in front of them
managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and
rough on the course, and they didn't bother to
wave the men on through, which is proper golf
etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man
said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those
gals to let us play through." He walked out to
the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,
turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't
do it. One of those women is my wife and the other
is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway
there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,
turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!" 

   One day Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a
   $200 bicycle for his birthday.
   
   Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $ 80,000 mortgage on the
   house and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Xmas"
   
   Xmas came around and Johnny asked again.
   
   The father said, "Well the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry
   about that. Ask me again some other time."
   
   Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
   with all his belongings in a suitcase.
   
   The father felt sorry for him and asked him why he was leaving. The
   boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say
   that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because
   she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000
   Mortgage!"
   

What does a blond and a turtle have in common?

When they lay on their backs they're screwed!

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New 
York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a 
Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, "Excuse me, I 
would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?" 
The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?" 
The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?" 
The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?" 
The New Yorker replied, "Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?'"

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