Today's stories [10.9.08]

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The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether
you are qualified to be a professional.

1.  How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is:  Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and
close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things
in an overly complicated way.


2.  How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer:  Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the
elephant and close the door.  This tests your ability to think through
the repercussions of your previous actions.


3.  The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer:  The Elephant.     The elephant is in the refrigerator.
You just put him in there.  This tests your memory.  Okay, even if you
did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one
more chance to show your true abilities.


4.  There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer:  You jump into the river and swim across.

Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal
Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to a Worldwide Consulting Company, around 90% of the
professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers
got several correct answers. The Consulting Company says this conclusively
disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a
four-year-old.

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless,
and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added
late fee and interest on the monthly charge.
 
The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
 
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
 
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
 
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
 
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her
to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
 
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
 
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
 
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about
her being dead?"
 
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
 
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
 
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."
 
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
 
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
 
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
 
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
 
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
 
After they get the fax:
 
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I
can do to help."
 
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just
keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
 
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
 
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
 
Citibank: "That might help."
 
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

 
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Sign on a church bulletin board:

You aren't too bad to come in, You aren't good enough to stay out.

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