Today's stories [10.4.08]

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The funniest thing I ever did was when I was borrowing my Dads car and I 
had to get gas. My Dad had a bad accident a few years back and he had both
ankles surgically redone. So his car has handicap plates and I guess they
have some rule that you have to give them full service at self serve 
pumps.
The attendent came out and I waved him off without looking up from the
nozzle. He tried to figure out why I had handicap plates so I thought it 
was a good time for a trick.
I went to give him the money and I kept on bumping into things like the 
pump and when I went to give him the money I felt each individual bill and 
did the same when he gave me change. The whole time I spoke to him I 
staired into space( btw I was wearing dark sunglasses) . I walked out of 
the station running into everything and bumping my head when I got into my 
car.
The attendent asked me, "How do you drive."
I replied with, "What do you mean?"
He answered with, "Are'nt you partially blind?"
I ended with "No I am completely blind, I am driving a specially equiped 
car."
I then sped away driving over the curb. In the rear view mirror I saw a 
station attendent with his jaw on the floor.

The other day, while I was seeing my shrink, he asked me what 
I looked for in a woman.

Naturally I replied, "Big tits."

He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."

So I said, "Oh, seriously big tits."

"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you 
want to spend the rest of your life with?"

He looked at me kind of worried as I just sat there on his couch 
laughing until my gut hurt. "Spend the rest of my life with one 
woman? No woman's tits are that big."

My friend Janet, who likes stealing food from me, one day became obsessed 
with my pack of Nerds (a candy).
I asked her, "Why do you keep on taking my Nerds?!"
She looked me in the eye and she said, "I like nerds."
And I was thinking, is that supposed to mean something!?

Sent by Christina

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