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Today's stories [10.29.08]

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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was
quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you 
it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
flight attendant's was the asphalt!"


Pfizer Corp. is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon 
be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a 
power beverage for use as a mixer.
Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: It will now be possible for a 
man to literally pour himself a stiff one.  Obviously we can no
longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning to
the names of cocktails, highballs, and just a good old fashioned
stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount And Do.
Also, something to think about:  the long-term implications of drugs
and medical procedures must be fully considered.  Over the past few
years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than
was spent on Alzheimer's Disease research.  It is believed that by
the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering
around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to
do with them.


Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's 
beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.  The award 
was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a 
little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it 
repeatedly with a pellet gun.


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