Today's poems [10.25.08]

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There was an old man of Stamboul
With a varicose vein in his tool.
In attempting to come
Up a little boy's bum
It burst, and he did look a fool.

The typists in Wheesley and Beesley
All fornicate keenly and eas'ly,
In this pleasant way
They add to their pay
Which in Wheesley and Beesley is measly

I'm sure you can imagine 
As plain as can be 
The place is Piccadilly 
The players He and She.

She whispered "will it hurt me?" 
"Of course not" answered he 
"It's a very simple process, 
You can rely on me." 

She said "I'm very frightened, 
I've not had this before. 
My friend has had it five times 
And said it can be sore". 

Then finally contended 
Lay back and relax a bit 
Quickly and readily he bent over her 
And then he started it. 

It was growing rather painful 
Tears formed in her eyes 
It was hurting quite a bit now 
It must have been quite a size. 

"Calm yourself" he whispered 
His face was filled with a grin 
"Try and open a bit wider 
So I can get it in". 

"It's coming now" he whispered 
"I know" she cried in bliss 
Feeling it deep within her now 
She said "I am glad I am having this". 

And with a final effort 
She gave a frightened shout 
He gripped it in anguish 
And quickly pulled it out. 

She lay back quite contended 
Sighed and gave a smile 
She said "I'm glad I came now 
You made it worth my while". 

Now if you read this carefully 
The dentist you will find 
Is not what you imagined 
It's just your dirty mind! 

There was a young lady named White 
            Found herself in a terrible plight: 
                A mucker named Tucker 
                Had struck her, the fucker--- 
            The bugger, the bastard, the shite! 

                    There once was a man from Dundee
                            
                    Who was fucking an ape in a tree.
                            The results were most horrid:
                            All ass and no forehead,
                            
                    Three balls and a purple goatee!

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