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Today's poems [10.22.08]

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A lovely young virgin named Lynn 
Once said about fucking, "It's sin." 
But a fellow named Tang, 
With a twenty-inch wang, 
Made her cry to the heavens, "It's in!"


An ode to the hole
That never heals.
The more you touch it
The better it feels.
You can rub it
And scrub it
And brush it like hell,
But you will never get rid
Of that fucking fish smell.

(Author Unknown)


Lisped a limp-wristed cowboy named Fay, 
               "It's a hell of a place to be gay! 
                    I must, on these prairies, 
                    Due to a shortage of fairies, 
               With the deer and the antelope play!" 


Ode to a Mammogram

For years and years they told me,  "Be careful of your breasts."
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, and give them monthly tests.

So, I heeded all their warnings.....and protected them by law....
Guarded them very carefully, and always wore a bra.

After 10 years of careful care, the doctor found a lump.
He ordered up a mammogram to look inside that clump.

"Stand up very close," the nurse said, as she got my tit in line,
"And tell me when it hurts," she said.  "Ah, yes....that's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal....I could not believe my eyes,
A plastic plate was pressing down....My boob was in a vice....

My skin was stretched and stretched from way up by my chin,
And my poor tit was being squashed to Swedish pancake thing......

Excruciating pain I felt, within it's vice-like grip,
A prisoner in this vicious thing.....My poor defenseless tit......

"Take a deep breath"  she said to me.  Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine, I can't breathe and woozy I am getting!

"There, that was good" I heard her say, as the room was slowly swaying.
"Now let's get the other one."........"Lord have mercy," I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down, it squeezed me from both sides,
I'll bet she never has this done to HER tender little hide.

If I had no problem when I first came in, I surely have one now......
If there had been a cyst in there, it would have popped Ker-Pow!

This machine was made by a MAN, of this I have no doubt.....
I'd like to get his balls in there.....for months he'd go WITHOUT!


A Cajun gourmet named LaSalle,
Is the chef at dat place on Canal.
He put lotta spice
On your red beans an' rice,
And make lightnin' shoot outta your bowel! 


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