Today's jokes [10.24.08]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in
court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and
I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to
go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
| | O
\ _ /
and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this
(small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the
small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"
What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password.
It's her turn to guess the word.
Voice Over: And the password is. . . black dick!
Nancy: Um. . . is it a place?
Her partner: No.
Nancy: Is it a person?
Her partner: No.
Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something I
might want to eat?
Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe.
Nancy: Is it black dick?
"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Pam ?" said
her closest friend.
"Well," Pam confirmed, "although his diamond was of pretty good
quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired."
German Shepard on Golf Course
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when
his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt.
Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their
relationship had been purely platonic.
They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse
where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran
up and threw a bucket of water on them.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31