Today's jokes [10.23.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded 
to investigations into the basketball team by suspending any 
basketball player who wasn't maintaining a passing average. 
Furious, the coach came storming into the dean's office, 
followed by one of his star players.

"You can't keep him from playing!" the coach roared. "We won't 
win this weekend without him!"

"I don't care," the dean said. "Things have gotten out of hand at 
this college."

"What do you mean, out of hand?" the coach demanded.

"I'll show you what I mean," the dean said. He turned to the 
basketball player and said, "Tell me,how much is six times 
seven?"

The player thought for several seconds. Then he said, "Thirty- 
one?"

The dean turned to the coach and said, "I rest my case."

"Oh, come on now," the coach said. "Why are you making 
such a big deal of it? After all, he only missed it by one."

   An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who
   had been sleeping in the bedroom.
   
   As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young
   wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,
   "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with
   anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along
   with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
   
   "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you
   feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really
   nice, tight-looking ass!!!!!!!"
   

A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with a
tribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and
good Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil of
sexual sin. “Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!”

One day the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white baby.
The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the
missionary.
You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives
birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in
our village. Anyone can see what’s going on here!”

The missionary replies, “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you
have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy
yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black
one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief pauses for a moment then says, “Tell you what, you don’t say
anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white baby.”

The newly married man came home from work to find his new 
bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee.

"Guess what I got planned for dinner?" she asked seductively. 
"And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today."

What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
in the distance?
Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
"Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   October '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31