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Today's jokes [10.22.08]

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There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion
came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, "How
funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?"

After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed
the lion and started pumping away. The lion freaked of course,
and jumped into the river. The lion came out of the water, roaring,
he was really upset. The gorilla decided that it was a good time
to be somewhere else, and took off running. The gorilla knew he had
to think of something quick because he wasn't going to outrun the lion.

Just then the gorilla saw a hunter's tent and ducked inside to hide.

The hunter, reading the paper, was startled and ran out of the tent.
The gorilla decided to pretend to be the hunter, he put on the hunter's
shirt and hat, and started to read the paper.

A few minutes later, the lion ran in and thinking it was the hunter
reading the paper, said, "Hey Buddy, did you see a gorilla run in here?"

From behind the paper The gorilla answered, "You mean the one that
screwed the lion in the ass?"

Flabergasted, the lion said, "Holy Shit! It's in the paper already?" 


Richard Olivier, the son of Sir Laurence Olivier and Joan Plowright
was only a little boy when, on the front at Brighton, he was
confronted by the sight of two dogs mating. The lad turned to Noel
Coward, who was the Olivier's house guest, and said, "What are they
doing, Uncle Noel?"
"The one in front is blind." said Coward unpeturbed, "and the one
behind is being very very sweet and pushing him all the way to
St. Dunstan's." 


There was once a wide mouth frog. She had babies and she didn't know what 
to feed them. She went to the cow, talking with her mouth real wide, she 
said, "COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The Cow said, "I feed my babies 
milk." She went on to the horse. Talking with her mouth real wide, she 
said, "HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" "I feed my babies hay." said 
the horse. Finally she came to a snake. Talking with her mouth real wide, 
she said, "SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The snake said, "I feed 
my babies wide mouth frogs." So the frog said, with her mouth really 
small, "Oh, is that so." 


Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around 
a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to
help that man!


What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?



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