Today's jokes [10.21.08]
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The 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise has a new Bucket
of Chicken out. It's called the 'Hillary Clinton Bucket.'
It contains two small breasts and two large thighs.
On preparing to return home from an out of town trip,
this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.
Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy
onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his
pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30
minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking
'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew?
'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man.
Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and
'Are you sure you're alright sir?'
'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make.
I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring
a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.'
'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?'
'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'
One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the
road when they
saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them.
One of the men
turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night
with her." To their
surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll
take you up on
that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his
night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight
to bed. The following
morning the man presented her with 25.00. She demanded the rest of her
don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed,
saying, "I'd like to see
you get it on those grounds!" The next day,he was surprised to receive
ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed
to his atorney and
explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't
possibly get a judgment
against you on such grounds, but it would interesting to see how her
case will be
presented." After the usual preliminaries, her lawyer addressed the
court as follows:-
Your honor, my client this lady here is the owner of a fine piece of
property, a garden spot
surrounded by a profuse of luscious shrubbery, which she agreed to
rent to the Defendant
for a specified length of time, for an agreed upon sum of $50. The
possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for
which it was rented, but
upon evacuation of the premises he paid only $25; half the agreed
amount. The rent was by
no means excessive, even though it was restricted property, and we ask
granted against Defendant to ensure payment of the balance.The
Defendant's lawyer was
impressed and amused at the way his opponent had presented the case.
His defense was,
therefore, somewhat altered from the way he had originally planned to
Your Honor, my client agrees the young lady has a fine piece of
property,that he did rent
such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from
However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed
erected a pump, and sunk a shaft, all labor being performed by him
personally. We claim
these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the
unpaid amount and that the
plaintiff was more than adequately satisfied and compensated for the
rental of the said
property. We therefore ask Judgment not be granted.
The young lady's lawyer's comeback was this:- Your Honor, my client
agrees that the
Defendant did find a well on her property and that he did make
improvements such as my
opponent has described. However had the Defendant not known the well
existed, he would
not have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the
his stones, pulled out his shaft and took the pump with him. In so
doing, he not only
dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, leaving my client to do
the cleaning up, but
he left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, thus
making it very easily
accessible to little children. We therefore ask that Judgment be
SHE GOT IT!
Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
You can wrap your own presents.
You are always meeting new friends.
Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually
tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth.
As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program,
the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut
goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in
forcing the thing in awfully deep.
After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the
hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their
daughter coming in with her boyfriend.
The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's
studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He
then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and
low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.
As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to
get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck.
"So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes
school? A GP or a surgeon?"
"Well," says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers,
I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."
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