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Today's jokes [10.18.08]

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Tombstone Epitaph
In a London, England cemetery:
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767


Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.


For three years, the young attorney had been taking his
brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd
finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his
suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant in her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were
pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we
could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my
condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and
decided it would be better to have a bastard in the
family than a lawyer!" 


A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named "Clint", and
   bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to
   Clint, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a
   day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first
   Clint says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Clint
   grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on
   the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back
   with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee
   with Clint.
   The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can
   only think of one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What your
   wish today?"
   Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his
   horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the
   horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse
   comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee
   with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical
   white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
   The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white
   man. What you want?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The
   Indians bring him his horse.
   Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read
   my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"


Did you hear about the hooker that had her
appendix taken out?

Now she does business on the side!


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