Today's jokes [10.18.08]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his
brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd
finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his
suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant in her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were
pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we
could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my
condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and
decided it would be better to have a bastard in the
family than a lawyer!"
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named "Clint", and
bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to
Clint, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a
day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first
Clint says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Clint
grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on
the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back
with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee
The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can
only think of one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What your
Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his
horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the
horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse
comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee
with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical
white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white
man. What you want?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The
Indians bring him his horse.
Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read
my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"
Did you hear about the hooker that had her
appendix taken out?
Now she does business on the side!
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31