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Today's jokes [10.15.08]

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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped
him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab,  nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still
shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!!

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'

1. 




What do Arabs do on saturday night?

They sit under palm trees and eat their dates.

2. 




Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this 
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job 
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the 
office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, 
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."

Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???" 



3. 




You know you're in a small town.....

-  when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.

-  if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local
   merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

-  if you speak to each dog you pass, by name ..... and he wags his tail
   at you

-  if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

-  when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

-  if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

-  if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!

4. 




Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady
of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of
agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!"

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm
down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun
began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I
heard some of the older boys wagering money!"

"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. 

"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun,
"it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a
contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"

"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"

"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."

"How much did you win?" 

5. 



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