Today's jokes [10.13.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman in their holding cell at
the jail?

"Stop playing with my lunch."

Billy Ray and Billie Bob are driving home from a party. BR runs a red 
light. BB says, "Hey! What the fuck are you doing! That light was red!" 
BR replies, "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time, it's OK."
Then he does it again. 
BB: " Damn it, you done it again!"
BR: "It's OK, I tell you. My brother does it all the time."
The next light is green. BR slams on the brakes.
BB: "Where did you learn to drive? That was green. You are supposed to go 
through."
BR: "Well I would have, but my brother might be coming through!

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
 theater.  When the usher came by and noticed this, he 
 whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed
 one seat."
 
 The man groaned but didn't budge.  The usher became
 impatient.  
 
 "Sir, if you don't get up from  there I'm going to have to
 call the manager."  
 
 Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who
 turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of
 his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the
 manager returned and stood over the man.
 
 Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but
 with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.  
 
 The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All
 right buddy, what's your name?"  
 
 "Sam," the man moaned.  
 
 "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied
 "the balcony."

 Sent by Zena

   What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge
   display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French:
   37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in
   plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.
   
   Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found
   that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.

    A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the
   bartender "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the
   bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and I'll have a
   lawyer for my gator."

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   October '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31