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Today's jokes [10.11.08]

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What do you call a blonde lesbian?

     A waste. 

1. 




John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John 
suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in
and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as
he is OK.
Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is 
that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, 
since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a 
normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have 
saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.
David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry

2. 




Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murder



A lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws,
and while there, went to a store.  She parked next to a car with a woman
sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently
sleeping.  When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman,
her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open.

The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said,
"Are you okay?"  The woman answered, "I've been shot in the head, and I
am holding my brains in."

Linda didn't know what to do, so she ran into the store, where store
workers called the paramedics.  They had to break into the car because
the door was locked.  When they got in, they found that the woman had
bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands.

A Pillsbury biscuit cannister had exploded, apparently from the heat
in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her
in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the
dough and thought it was her brains.  She passed out from fright at
first, then attempted to hold her brains in.



3. 




Why wasn't Jesus born in America?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

4. 




Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of 
balancing his new checking account.  "The bank returned the 
check you wrote to the sporting goods store," she said.

"Oh good," he said, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo
equipment!"

5. 



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