Today's stories [1.17.08]

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Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road
and hit a tree near Cotton Plant on State Highway 38 early Monday morning

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are
listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center.

The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a
cat-gigging trip. (Note to city slickers, cat-gigging, or cat-sticking,
is how, armed with a small pitchfork), you catch cats from the bayou bank.

Cats make a tasty supper.

On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the
.22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to
the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again
began to operate and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
river Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles and just before crossing the river,
the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right
testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and
striking the tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions, but will
require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken
clavicle and was treated and released.

Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his nuts off or we
might now be dead, 'said Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for I0 years in this part of the world," said Deputy
Snyder, "but this is a first for me. I cant believe that those two would
admit how the accident happened."

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavina, Poole's wife, asked how many cats
the boys had caught, and did anyone think to get them from the truck.

Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday.  While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo)  with a
group of thespians from St.  Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went overboard to
show them one of America's many marvels.  He demonstrated the 
effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"  ...  the hard way.

Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was, 
so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.

The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby.  However, once it became aware of its being 
involuntarily stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the 
petting area wildly making Demuth an unintended passenger.

"Sally (the rhino)  hasn't been feeling well lately.  She had been very
constipated.  We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to 
relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile prank,"  said James 
Douglass, caretaker.

During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, 
and a number of small animals escaped.  Also, during the stampede, three 
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death.  As for Demuth, it took a 
team of medics and zoo caretakers over four hours to remove his hands from 
the rhino's buttocks.

First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down.  However, during 
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was repeatedly 
showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.

"It was tricky.  We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield 
our faces from being pelted with rhino dung.  I guess you could say that 
Demuth was into it up to his neck.

Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working to 
keep an air passage open for Mr.  Demuth.  We were able to tranquilize her 
and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear,"  said Douglass.  
"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."

Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the power of the adhesive.  "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of
course they can't take it to the zoo,"  commented Vladimir Zolnikov, 
leader of the troupe.

Some time ago the DJ on radio station WZZO in Allentown, PA
was discussing David Hasselhoff, since there was some news
item about him. He went on to say that he liked the show
"Knight Rider" much better than "Baywatch". He said that
Knight Rider was more realistic, since he could more easily
believe that there was a talking car than that Pamela
Anderson could form coherent sentences on her own. 

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