Today's jokes [1.9.08]

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One day God called the Pope, and he said "John Paul I have good news and 
bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between 
the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion". 
The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, then asked 
"What's the bad news?". God said the bad news is that I am calling from 
Salt Lake City. 

Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor.
"I'm sure I've got a liver disease, and I'm gonna die from it."
"Ridiculous," said the doctor. "you'd never know if you had the
disease or not. With that ailment there's no discomfort of any
kind."
"Right," said Herman, "those are my exact symptoms." 

How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge?
The door won't close.

How do you know there are *three* elephants in your fridge?
There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
By the footprints in the butter.

What's another name for pickled bread?

Dill-dough!

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good
looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a
pile of cow shit and dives down toward her.

"Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm,
"...but is this stool taken?"

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