Today's jokes [1.7.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS 

Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. 
Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. 
Girlfriends, take heed!! 

There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by 
female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims to have 
sex with them. The shocking news is that the drug is available virtually 
anywhere! 

It goes by the street name "Beer". 

All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any guy and then 
simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered 
literally helpless against such tactics.

Attorney to witness: "And where was the location of the 
accident?"

Witness: "Approximately milepost 499."

Attorney: "And where is milepost 499?"

Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 
500."

After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes
he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a
friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified.
"Why are you so afraid, you're not a grain
of wheat after all," his friend asked.
John replied, "You know it and I know it,
but the chicken doesn't know it."

Sent by Marc

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his 
tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that 
such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men 
were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here 
lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the 
tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   January '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31