Today's jokes [1.5.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Why are the N.Y. Giants like a tampon?

They're only good for one period and have no second string.

   Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer.
   
   One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her,
   "The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our
   cows today. I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow's
   stall. You show him where it is."
   
   The farmer leaves, and a while later, the artificial insemination man
   arrives. Amy takes him down the rows of cows until she sees the nail.
   
   She says, "This is the one, right here."
   
   The man says, "How do you know?"
   
   Amy says, "By the nail over its stall."
   
   The man says, "What's the nail for?"
   
   Amy says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
   

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started 
feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?" 
"No," her mother replied. 
"Well, I think I have to throw up!" 
"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up 
behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. 
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked. 
"Yes," the little girl replied. 
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and 
return so quickly?" 
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. 
"They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."

A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail 
with hard on. The Cowboy asks "what are you doing?" Indian says" Me tellum 
time." Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the 
same. Says "You telling time?" yup" "how can you tell time like that?" 
Indian says "workum like sundial, readum shadow". Cowboy, incredulous, 
rides on. Encounters Indian in trail masturbating. Cowboy says "let me 
guess, you're telling time too." Indian says " Nope. But me windum clock!" 

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed
of working since a young boy.  He was trying to impress
the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir',
it's real simple.  Add the number of times we dive to the 
number of times we surface.  Divide that number by two.
If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   January '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31