Today's jokes [1.27.08]

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Here is this guy who really takes care of his body,
he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day.
One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his
body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over,
except his penis, and he decies to do something about it.
He goes to the beach, strips completey and burries himself
in the sand, except for his penis sticking out of the sand.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one
looks down and says "There is no justice in this world".
The other lady says "What do you mean?"
The first lady says "Look at that".
When I was 10 Yeras old I was afriad of it.
When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild 

Why did Cleopatra take milk baths?

             She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower. 

How do you drownd a blonde???


You place a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Sent by L&S

   The Freudian Slip

   Ted and John are setting in the bar and John asked Ted if he bought
   the train tickets to go
   see the Steelers game this weekend. Ted says yea and kinda looked a
   little funny. John
   said is there anything wrong? Ted said naw, everythings OK. They take
   a few more sips
   of beer and Ted ask John if he had ever embarrassed himself by saying
   something he didnít
   mean to say. John said sure, it happens to everyone. Ted said thereís
   a name for that isnít
   there...you know, where you accidently use the wrong words when you
   are trying to say
   something. Yea, says John, itís called a Freudian slip. Yea, thats it
   said Ted, I couldnít
   think of the word. Why are you asking said John?
   Well, yesterday I went to the train station to get the train tickets
   for Pittsburg, and the girl
   selling tickets has this incredible set of jugs. I pulled out the
   money and laid it on the
   counter and asked her to give me two pickets to Titsburg and then had
   to embarrassingly
   say I mean two tickets to Pittsburg. God, it just embarressed the shit
   out of me. You ever
   done anything that stupid?
   ì Funny you would askî, said John. Just this morning my wife and
   I...gosh, I guess
   weíve been married going on 23 years now..., were having breakfast. I
   was reading the
   paper and drinking my coffie. I meant to say, ìdear, would you please
   pass me the
   sugarî,but instead I said, 'You fucking bitch, youíve ruined my
   life.'"
   

How are lawyers like sperm? 

    One out of a million turns out to be a human being. 

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