Today's jokes [1.20.08]

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   A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat available.
   
   The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and
   said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't
   come to the game?"
   
   The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we
   bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so
   I came alone."
   
   "I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a
   family member or friend?"
   
   "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
   

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board 
Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At 
the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute.
"I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands 
full."
"Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs."
"Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!"
"Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir."
"Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary."
The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade." 

In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination
you would like him to try with you.  Find a door with a fairly large crack
between the door and the wall when the door is open.  (You know, over by
the hinges; across the width of the door from the doorknob...)  You need an
egg (NOT hard-boiled), and a wood floor (you don't want the egg cracking on
carpeting, do you??).  Now, have your victim get on the opposite side of
the door from you, and put 2 fingers through the door.  Hand him the egg,
in those two fingers.  Working with him, trade the egg back and forth a
couple of times, moving UP the door frame.  After you have his confidence,
leave.  He will be trapped there, holding this egg by two fingers through
the door.  If he lets go and nobody takes the egg, it will crash to the
floor.  Best to do in the person's own room.

I just pulled one on somebody -- I slipped some of those anti-
shoplifting strips into the lining of the victim's favorite
jacket.  I was set to pull another one, but didn't get the chance
- to cut out a silhouette of a gun from metal and hide it in a
piece of carry-on luggage.

The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and 
their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name 
is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. 

The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered 
her name and little johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his 
enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said "Miss Crunt?"

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