Today's jokes [1.18.08]

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Q. Why does Barbara Bush always get on top ?
A. Because George can only fuck up.

   A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the
   ship after a big night
   ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over
   himself. Pointing to an
   apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in
   the brig for vomiting
   on me!"
   The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that
   the young seaman
   had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
   "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also shit in
   your pants."
   

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone 
rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When 
he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good 
news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!" 

"Honestly?" 

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time 
like this?"

We've been married a little over four years, and we just celebrated our "Wooden Anniversary."
Yeah, I asked my wife to blow me, and she wouldn't.

Why do bankers make great lovers? 

     They know the penalty for early withdrawal. 

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