Today's jokes [1.16.08]

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What do you call a dog with no legs?

Hehe...it doen't matter, it's not going to come anyway!


Sent by Melissa

Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, 
saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, 
and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and 
children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to 
learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, 
even though his signature consisted of two X's.

He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred 
to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with 
one staircase going nowhere just for show)...you get the idea. 
One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by.

"So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.

Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing," he 
said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks 
of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record 
has just 2."

Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making 
trouble," he said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a 
high class rich guy, I should have a middle name!"

A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental 
state, and that many people overlook the things they already have.
He says, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a 
good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse."
One student stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to 
fuck, or I don't know how to shit."

Q: What did Jesus do when he got to the Holiday Inn?
A: He threw some nails down on the counter and asked,
   "Can you put me up for the night?"

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. one to screw in the lightbulb, and another to suck my dick
….as I beat my wife!

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