Today's jokes [1.14.08]

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There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy
with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher
says to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over to
that restaurant and get something to eat.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us.' 

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.' 

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' 

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.' 

The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes,
they're using them now, they're very good.' 

The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. 

The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This is
my seeing-eye dog.' 

The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?' 

   There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at
   their local bar, they
   got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their
   igloos were. They could
   agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided
   to determine who,
   indeed, had the coldest igloo.
   They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and
   poured a cup of
   water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the
   floor solid. "Not bad"
   said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder
   still.
   So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!"
   and took a big breath
   and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to
   the floor. "Wow,
   that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo
   exclaimed his was
   colder still.
   So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!"
   and went into the
   bedroom, looked under three hugh back thick furs, and retrieved one of
   several small balls
   of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a
   spoon, and held a match
   under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".
   He won..............................................................
   

Q: Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's?
A: Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you
….swear you'll never do it again.

Two English sheep in a field.
One says to the other "I'm not feeling very well"

The other turns around and replies

"Shut-the-f*ck-up, or you'll get us all killed"


Sent by paully

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far 
away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send 
me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next 
month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it 
was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, 
and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going 
on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for 
Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

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