Today's jokes [1.13.08]

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How do faggots get a condom off? 

     They fart. 

A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.
Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the 
one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said, 
"No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".

Q: What is the last thing each Tickle Me Elmo doll receives before he 
leaves the factory?
   A: Two Test Tickles 

How to Hunt Elephants -- VP Style

When the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his
staff will try to ensure that  all elephants are completely
prehunted before he sees them.  If the VP sees a
nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the
vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to
prevent any recurrence.

Sent by Alex

Need a change?  Here's the Spice Girls Application Form . . .

Name: 
Age:
Real Age:

1. How would you describe yourself?
a.  An energetic self starter
b.  A team player
c.  Pro-active
d.  A tasty bit of crumpet

2. Do you have any vestige of talent, besides your chest or butt?

3. Would it bother you if you were the target of unrelenting hatred? 

4. Are you willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music
industry?
a.  Yes
b.  No

5.How many times have you been kicked out of karaoke bar?

6. Does nudity bother you?  If so give three excuses for your 
portfolio.

7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual
free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical
medicine and modern behaviourist psychology. ...just kidding!!

6. Seriously, do you like wearing leather mini-skirts?
a. Yes
b. No

8. Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light? 

9. Choose an appropriate SPICE nickname:
a. Sexy     
b. Nasty      
c. Sweetie    
d. Eezie     
e. Syphilis  
f. Olde

10. Choose an appropriate SPICE image: 
a. Cute, blonde, appeals to paedophiles
b. Tub of lard 
c. Bloke in a tracksuit
d. Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity
e. Terrifying to small children and old men 
f. All of the above

11. Do you promise to make two albums and then go away forever?
a. Yes
b. No

12. Elvis Costello is________________.

a. the king of rock and roll
b. former partner to Bud Abbott
c. Ollet Socsivle backwards
d. oh, you know, this guy 

13. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometres and
75 kilometres an hour respectively, how would you look in a bikini?

14. If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help
alleviate Prince Charles' loneliness?
a.  Yes      
b.  No 

15. List three body parts you'd be willing to pierce and expose
continuously. 

16. In the space provided, tell us why you want, why you really,
really, want this job.

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