Today's jokes [1.12.08]

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Here's a silly one....

Why did the skeleton burp?

Because it didn't have the guts to fart.

Two fags were walking down the street and passed a handsome guy.  One
fag turned to the other and said, "See that stud there, Bruce?"
        "Sure."
        "Well, let me tell you, he's a tremendous fuck!"
        "No shit?" Bruce asked.
        "Well, hardly any."

Only in America...

   Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
   ambulance...
   Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a
   skating rink...
   Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry,
   and a diet coke...
   Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
   pens to the counters...
   Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
   driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
   Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and
   then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
   want to talk to in the first place...
   Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
   packages of eight...
   Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the
   process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning
   "blood-sucking creatures"...

How do you re-sleeve a prostitue? 

     - Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out. 

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the 
congregation said, "I give ten dollars." Just then, a piece of plaster 
fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. 
"I give a thousand dollars!"
The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!" 

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