Today's jokes [1.11.08]

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A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked  "What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all
come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

A man comes home from work one day and he says to his 
wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what 
happened!  She's got a red and white bra. You know, these 
are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not 
a big deal but it feels good."

The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was 
your day?"

The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and 
white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it 
really feels good!"

The third day they meet at home after work and now the man 
asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, 
honey?"

She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss 
today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's 
not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the 
punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to 
select his first punishment. 

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The 
new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next 
room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. 

The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an 
really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a 
gorgeous blonde. 

The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room. 

The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder 
and says "okay, you can stop now.  You've been relieved". 

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night.  I could see America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?"  Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."

Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called.  Last night 
I had a similar dream.  I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more 
beautiful than ever.  It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house 
flew an enormous banner."

"What could you see on the banners?"  Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, "I don't know.  I can't read Hebrew."

Tombstone Epitaph:

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.

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