Today's jokes [1.10.08]

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I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. My
secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it
was, on the back of a kitchen chair. 

The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South
   (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the
   officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if
   you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of
   course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of
   course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course,"
   the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from
   the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is
   quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to
   a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt.
   Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"

   We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly
   inseparable. Last week, it took four Howard County Policemen and a
   dog.

Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? 

A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.
If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit. 

Have you ever smelled moth balls? 

     - How did you get their little legs apart? 

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