Today's stories [7.10.07]

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[AP, Mammoth Lakes, CA] A San Anselmo man
   died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the
   Mammoth mountain ski area while riding down the
   slope on a foam pad, authorities said. Matthew
   David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela
   Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3
   a.m. The Mono County Sheriff's Department said
   Hubal and his friends had apparently hiked up a
   ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow
   foam protectors from the lift towers. Lieutenant
   Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police
   Department said the pads are used to protect
   skiers who might hit the towers. The group
   apparently used the pads to slide down the ski
   slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has
   since been investigated that the tower he hit was
   the one with its pad removed.

A lady who was known as Churchill's main rival in parliament was giving a 
speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off 
while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston 
by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?" Churchill 
sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice."

Some time ago I was hosting a State Dinner, when at the last minute my 
regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement on short 
notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking 
man named John. I voiced my concerns to my Chief of Staff but was told 
that this was the best they could do at such short notice, according 
to the Head of the Household Staff.

Unbeknown to me, but later reported, the following events occurred. 
Just before the meal, the Chief of Staff noticed the cook sticking his 
fingers  in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the Head 
of the Household Staff about the cook, but he was told that this man 
was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay but I was sure that the soup tasted a little off, 
and by the time dessert came, I was starting to have stomach cramps 
and nausea. It was getting worse and worse, until finally I had to 
excuse myself from the State Dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing 
through the kitchen, I caught sight of the cook, John, scratching his 
rear end and this made me feel even worse. By now I was desperately 
ill with violent cramps and was so disoriented that I couldn't 
remember which door led to the bathroom.

I was on the verge of passing out from the pain when I finally found a 
door that opened and as I undid my trousers and ran in, I realized to 
my horror that I had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with my 
trousers around my knees.

As I was just about to pass out, Monica bent over me and heard her 
President whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook."

And that your Honor, is how the whole misunderstanding started.

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