Today's poems [7.13.07]

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There was an old man of Madrid 
            Who went to an auction to bid. 
                In the first lot they sold 
                Was an ancient commode--- 
            And, my God, when they lifted the lid! 

Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.

An efficient young fellow named Dave
Said, "Think of the time that I save
By avoiding vacations,
And sexy relations,
And taking a crap while I shave." 

               An explorer whose habits were blunt 
               Once flavored some cannibal cunt. 
                    The asshole was shitty, 
                    And---more was the pity--- 
               It oozed from the rear to the front. 

i'm sick

       i've got a virus
       i'm sickety-sick 
       i feel like a used tissue
       ickety-ick

       my head is congested
       mucous overload
       if i blow my nose once more,
       i will explode!

       i'm whiny,i'm cranky ,
       i'm stuck in my bed 
       my face is puke green 
       and my nose is bright red!

       my eyes are all bloodshot
       my nostrils are crusting;
       this sickness has made 
               me look 
          Truly Disgusting

       i cough and i sneeze 
       spreading germs everywhere 
       my room is a health hazard-
       Visitors BEWARE!!

       being sick is no fun 
       in fact,it's a pain
       i'm told i'll get better soon!
       untill then...i'll complain 

                          by,
                          gabrielle

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