Today's jokes [7.7.07]

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If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster,
which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

   A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
   giraffe walked in.
   "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
   your luck?" replied
   the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
   her. Within five
   minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
   lion was drinking in the
   bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
   and can hardly hold
   himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
   down his throat and
   said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
   giraffe, what happened
   after that? Was she all right?"
   The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
   dinner, had a couple
   of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
   night. And oh, man!
   I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
   exhausted?" asked
   the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
   screwing, I must have run a
   thousand miles!"
   

"Say, how old are you anyway ?" the reporter asked as the
obviously young lass was disrobing.

"Thirteen." she replied with a shy smile.

"Thirteen ??? My God girl !!! You get those clothes back on at
once and get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered.

Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet
smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?"

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.  They
are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as
your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

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