Today's jokes [7.6.07]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the
Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "

Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a 
secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no 
to everything."
"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"
"No," the girl replied.
"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"
"N-n-no," the girl replied.
"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the
level about this."

THREE GAY GUYS WERE ALL IN A CAR CRASH AND DIED. ALL THREE GUYS WERE CREMATED.

THERE BOYFRIENDS WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO WITH THE ASHES.

THE FIRST BOYFRIEND SAID I AM GOING TO SKY DIVE AND SPREAD HIS ASHES IN THE SKY BECAUSE 

THATS WHAT HE LIKED. 

THE SECOND GUY SAID I AM GOING TO SPREAD MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES

IN THE SEA BECAUSE IT'S WHAT HE LIKED.

THE THIRD GUY SAID I'M GOING TO PUT MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES IN A BOWL OF CHILI SO HE CAN 

RIP THROUGH MY ASS ONE LAST TIME!!

Sent by ANTHONY

Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their
   picture.

The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the
brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the
ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says,
"Hey! Cut it out, alright!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with 
his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns
around and cuffs the rear tiger and says,
"I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass 
of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear 
tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get
the taste out of my mouth!"

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   July '07 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31