Today's jokes [7.3.07]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live.
But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives
him another six months. 

"Kiss me," said the young lady urgently. "Please kiss me."
But the young man turned his head away, saying, "Of course not.
How can I? I'm your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn't
even be lying here making love."

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to 
go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his 
problem.  

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready
to ejaculate, try startling yourself." 

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter 
pistol.  All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two
began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later,
felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. 

The next day, the man went back to the doctor.  The doctor asked, 
"How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the
pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my 
neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

Father:    Did Paul bring you home last night?
Daughter:  Yes, it was late. Daddy.   Did the noise disturb you?
Father:    No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise.  It was the silence.

Did you hear about the queer deaf mute?

     - Neither did he. 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   July '07 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31