Today's jokes [7.27.07]

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A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at 
the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them 
on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then 
consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender comments, 
"Wow, you sure must have a problem." "If you had what I had," the man 
replies, "you'd drink them fast, too." Leaning over, the sympathetic 
bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Fifty cents," the man answers.

Forty years later, they're in the same hotel room they spent their 
honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed,
spreads her legs...
Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably.
She says, "What's the matter?"
He says, "Forty years ago, I couldn't wait to eat it, and now, NOW..."
"Now?" she asks.
"Now, it looks like it can't wait to eat ME!"

"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
So what ? Who's in a hurry ?

   A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market
   looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster,
   one that could service all of his many hens.
   
   He told this to the market vendor. The vendor replied, "I have just
   the rooster for you". Dom here is the horniest rooster you will ever
   see!"
   
   So the farmer took Dom back to the farm. Before setting him loose in
   the henhouse though, he gave Dom a little pep talk.
   
   "Dom", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff."
   
   And without a word Dom strutted into the henhouse. Dom was as fast as
   he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much
   squawking and many feathers flying, till Dom had finished having his
   way with each hen.
   
   But Dom didn't stop there. He went in to the barn and mounted all the
   horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to
   the pighouse, where he did the same.
   
   The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop,
   Dom,you'll kill yourself."
   
   But Dom continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
   Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dom lying there
   on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and
   his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Dom.
   
   The farmer walked up to Dom saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you
   did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you my little buddy."
   
   "Shhhhh," Dom whispered. "The buzzard's getting closer."
   

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"

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