Today's jokes [7.26.07]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. 

     Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman. 

Why does a dog lick his balls?
             Because he can't make a fist. 

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then
captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners
that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the
trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces
of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove
the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll
be eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced
out in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries.
When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that
this should be easy. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked,
"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I know, but I couldn't help it. I was doing
just great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with all
those watermelons!" 

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.

The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"

"No," he replied, "I've never done either."

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" 
inquired the doctor.

"No, I've never done any of those things either."

"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a 
hundred for?"

There was this guy & he had just bought a brand new Farrari F-50 and he
was taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this little boy on a
mopehead stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked the
guy if he could ake a quick look inside and he agreed. Just as he was getting
out of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car could go and he said.
"oh, around 175-200. Want to see?" Of couse the boy nodded and waited
for the light to turn green. The man took off at a very high rate of speed. As
he was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him and
then flew right past him. 'no! it couldnt be the boy on the mopehead could it?"
He asked to himself. Then the light came flying back and went way behind
him. The guy then ralized that it indeed WAS the boy on the mopehead. Then
the light started to catch up with him again. He slowed down a bit to catch up
with the boy to find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast and in
a stunned voice the boy looked at the man and siad.."Would you mind taking
my suspenders off your rear view mirror?" 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   July '07 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31